Fake It Til You Make It Has Its Place and Purpose

I'm finding out that "Fake It Til You Make It" has it's valid applications.

I could totally derail myself right there and start thinking of all the times it's not the way to do things, and all the implications of all of those, and how it's dishonest, and how self-deception is damaging and...

Well.

I'm trying to not derail.

Anyway.

Today, I was

SO.

EXHAUSTED.

Like dozing off mid-sentence tired.

So I got everyone settled in with an activity, popped the toddler in his bed, & took the preschoolers to my bed for a quick "power nap" (that's what they call a short nap these days, right?).

My alarm went off 20 minutes later, and although I'd slept hard, I did not feel energized or "powered up".

All I felt was "3 more hours please?"

But that wasn't happening.

Enter "Fake It Til You Make It".

Basically, you pretend you are a actress/actor and you take on a role, and play it well.

My role was that of the energized, chipper, well-accomplished, farm-wife mom.

And you know what? After I trotted blithely out to the back of the meadow to retrieve our "rough work" broom, checked on the corn in the garden with one of my little guys, swept a smooth spot in the driveway and settled down to a 15 minute game of marbles with 5 of my monkeys, I was "feeling it" a bit. Toss in some squealing over close shots and honestly trying to manage flipping a marble straight, and I think I'll make it till bedtime.

Self-Talk is really powerful.

Both Ways.

Tell yourself you're tired, exhausted, beat, worn out, can't make it til the end of the day, just don't have the "oomph" for that task, etc., and it's true.

But take on that role, and really try...

Oh yes you can! I know you do it when you're in the middle of scolding your child for not telling you about the jug of milk lying open on its side propping the fridge door open for hours and the phone or doorbell rings- you turn into June Cleaver! (yes, I'm that old)

So do it again. Convince that invisible audience, convince your child, convince yourself that you do in fact have the energy to pull this off well. With a smile, even.

Because if you had to, you could. And it feels so much better than just slogging through thinking about how hard it is.

And, most likely, you'll get some momentum going and actually feel more energetic and maybe even accomplish more that you were aiming for!

I did.

My Epiphanies (one of them, anyway)

Actually, I had three yesterday.
Isn't that some sort of record?
I think it might be for me.
I usually take a l-o-n-g time to "get" somthing.
Then a l-o-n-g time to "process" it.
Which makes me look a bit slow or something.
BUT,
once I've got it, I've got it good.
(Yes, I know "I have it well" would be better grammar, but it just doesn't say it the way I want to.)

My big "AHA!" moments came closely together, and are on the same subject, but I'm excited about them both and I see them both separately because, like I said, I usually take my time about these things.

I was reading this article, and it was encouraging for me, but not as much as it was intended to be; not as much as I knew it could be.
I read things often about how being a perfectionist is crippling, how you don't do anything because you can't do it perfectly, how seeking perfection is demoralizing, and how we should just strive for excellence instead.
Which all sounds great, except I can't (couldn't!) figure out the difference between perfection and excellence, so what it really sounded like was "be lazy, cop out, slide into doing things poorly..."
Last night I was frustrated, because I knew I was missing something by not being able to separate "perfect" and "excellent", and my awesome husband helped me (finally) figure it out.
Even thought he wasn't in the mood, he tried first one way, then another to explain the difference to me, but still all I could hear was "right way vs lazy way". Eventually I decided to put him out of his misery (it's GOT to be frustrating to try to explain a new concept to me!), and sweetly said "Well, I know one thing that's perfect. Our marriage." To which he wisely responded "No, it's not."
He went on to ask me if there is any room for improvement or growth, or if I want our marriage to be exactly what it is 10 or 20 years from now. Well. As happy as we are, one thing I have learned in our first 10 years of marriage is that there is always room for growth, and even though I can't imagine how anything could get any better, I couldn't imaging things any better than our honeymoon 10 years ago either, and it IS better now!
He explained, that means it's not perfect.
Then he asked if I'm completely happy and satisfied with the way it is right now.
Um, YES!!
He explained, that's "excellent".

I GET IT!!!

!!!

(Yep. He's awesome. Best Husband On The Planet. I mean, c'mon- he can explain things to an aspie!!


Y'all.
This is huge.

I've never understood the difference before! All kinds of things are falling into place and making sense now!!

***Happy Dance ***

In the next few days, I'll share 

Epiphany #2: You can have it all, just not all at one time.

and

Epiphany #3: They're not all doing what I'm doing.

P.S. Read This Now

This is one I'll be reading several times a day for a while.

Go here, and scroll down past the pretty printables and read the blue box.

About Hurry

Go on, go read it.

...

...

...

Now.

Breathe deep.

Carry on, with those pieces of wisdom ringing in your ears.

What Do You Think?

Someone else wrote something pretty close to what's been rattling around in my lil ole brain lately

100 Pound Loser

I did something a little out of character for me:
I read a weight loss book.
I usually avoid that topic, I know my weaknesses and my triggers.
This one though, really pulled at me, in a different way. Maybe it's because I kindasorta "know" the author; at least I've been keeping up with her online for a few years now. Enough to feel pretty confident that reading her book wouldn't be unhealthy for me.
I was right.
I think her book came at a really good time for me, as I'm getting pretty excited about life, and what all I hope to accomplish, and stepping out from behind my fears and trepidations {sometimes} to seize my life before it slips by me. I want to be strong and healthy, and able to fulfill my favorite quote:
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, 
but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming -- WOW-- What a Ride!"
Being pretty sure that baby 8 is the last one has me feeling like I"m on the brink of the next chapter of life... Which is both exciting and frightening. 
One of the ways it's a bit frightening is that I'll be looking at my eating tendencies and seeing if I really am master of that part of myself or if it's only that I've known that I have to eat "properly" for my babies.
This is why this book came at a good time for me. 
It's a good, cheerful, conversational read; a lot of books try to make you feel as if you're chatting with the author over coffee: this one achieves that.
She covers the ground she sets out to, without being too wordy and bogging you down.
I was really helped and encouraged be her honesty about her own struggles with food, it made me feel so much less like a weirdo, and gave me so much hope to see someone standing successfully on the other side of "managing your weight". 
I love that she reminds us just how simple it is, and keeps it there, without a lot of complicated diets and workouts, and gives practical little hints based on her own trial and error, like changing up your workout every so often to keep your body from plateauing.
My very very favorite part of the book? The last few chapters, where she shares "troubleshooting" and the reality of it all in day to day life. For me, that brought it down from ideals and hopes into plans, goals, and "I'm gonna get there!"
I definitely recommend this book to anyone looking to lose a few pounds (or a lot- she lost 100, as her title says: "100 Pound Loser: How I Ate What I Wanted, Had 4 Babies, and Finally Took Control of My Weight"), or manage healthy eating & exercising habits, or really, hoping to conquer any bad habits in their lives. Her story is inspiring, how she grabbed ahold of the basics, kept going when it got hard, kept her focus in a healthy place, recognized that she is human, didn't quit at "failures" or "plateaus", and knew when to enjoy her success. 
Here's where you can get it- let me know if you do, and what you think of it! 

Click here to visit Jessica Heights & get the book.

A (big) Handful of What I've Been Reading Lately ::Monday Musings::

I love that my phone gives me the ability to read almost anywhere. 

In the van while I wait to pick up my daughter from band practice. 

In the van while my toddlers sleep through my bigger children's soccer practices.

In my rocker while I nurse my baby.

In my gold velour chair while my husband and I unwind from a busy day/week.

At the kitchen counter while I wait for supper to finish, or at the grill before I turn over the food...

Sometimes I find in interesting to "zoom out" and look at the overall landscape of what I'm reading. I know for sure that I am influenced by the "tone" of what I read, and I choose what I read with that in mind. Sometimes more mindfully and intentionally that others- sometimes I only read what I admire and aspire to, others I read simply because it's not destructive. That second category I don't recommend a steady diet of, neither do I consider it "wrong" as I used to. Sometimes I read things that others recommend, sometimes I read things that I disagree with, sometimes I read things that aren't "me" to broaden my perspective. 

A whim hit me to share all of the open tabs I have right now. There have been many times I've found an article, post, story, or source that I really like or need through browsing others' links, maybe someone will find just what they need or want in my little pile. It's just possible that I'll try to do this every Monday; if I do, I hope I don't fall into reading or not reading things just because I'll be sharing Monday. (Do you put an uppercase letter after a semi-colon?? Someone tell me!)

So, here's what's on my phone this morning, left over from my weekend's reading:

Perfect Mothers VS Balanced Mothers

If I Can Homeschool You Can Do It Too

Don't Be A Charity Slut This Year

Perception Is Reality

Two Open Letters About Christians and the LGBT Community

A What-If Marriage

Why "Christ Is All I Need" is Gnosticism in Disguise

Focus on Your Big Rocks First

Sometimes Lame is Better Than Best

So there you have it: my Monday Musings.

Letter to Pearl

Baby Pearl...
You and my Caedmon are so close to the same age. Days apart, actually.
The same week I found out Caedmon was breech, I read your sweet Mama's letter about you. My worry and fear about delivering a breech baby seemed so small and frivolous after that.

Links to Things I Like

"What I Wish I Had Known Before I Had Children"
Really. I wish I had known this. BEFORE.


"School & Self Esteem" 
This needs to be required reading for anyone who is going to parent, teach, coach, babysit... or just ever be around children at all!

"Unschooling Science Experiments"
I keep finding all these "unschooling" things that describe us! I guess we're unschoolers without knowing it??

Some Bonhoeffer

Good Words.
Good, good words.
Read.
Ruminate.
Come back and read again...

This is from a book called Life Together, by Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

Innumerable times a whole Christian community has broken down because it had sprung from a wish dream. The serious Christian, set down for the first time in a Christian community, is likely to bring with him a very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and to try to realize it. But God’s grace speedily shatters such dreams. Just as surely as God desires to lead us to a knowledge of genuine Christian fellowship, so surely must we be overwhelmed by great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate, with ourselves.

Read This. Over and Over and Over.

By Ann Voskamp at A Holy Experience


Please, go there and read through her posts. Bookmark her site and go back every day. She usually posts something new each day around lunchtime. It's SO worth the time to stop by and read. I'm posting her words here to give you a taste, whet your appetite a bit:

This quote has been running through my mind today

It's a concept I've grasped in the last year or so.
Often in a specific concept (marriage, housekeeping, child training, school...), but I am broadening my scope to realize that it really applies to all of life.
Understanding this,
accepting this,
realizing that this is true
is setting me free in so many ways.
To discover just what my life really is, instead of being disappointed in what it isn't.
To have courage to "just do it", without being crippled by the fear of how it might not turn out.
To give my children the same freedoms.
To extend grace to others who are on the same journey, making the same discoveries. Or not.

"Sometimes, what messes our life up most -
is the expectation of what life is supposed to look like."

Thanks, Ann Voskamp, for putting it into those concise words. 

Morning Energy!

If you follow me on Twitter or read my tweets here on this blog, you'll occasionally see something with #hellomornings in it.
What is that all about?
SO glad you asksed. :0)
I don't officially "do" HelloMornings, as in sign up and have a team captain and all that, it's a little too socially organized for me. But I definitely love the inspiration in the Maximize Your Mornings free ebook that gave birth to HelloMornings, and I enjoy occasionally interacting with others who are doing the same thing. Reading the ebook made a huge impact on me, in giving me courage to try. I had the ideals and hopes, alright, but just didn't feel like I could do it. Kat (the writer at Inspired To Action, who put together all this) is so good at breaking things down into very manageable steps, and being so uplifting and encouraging without being saccharine and without using guilt or a superiority/inferiority ploy. That's a gift, in my book, and she exercises it well. If you haven't ever been to her site, I can't recommend it highly enough. Inspired to Action is well named!
I've started Maximizing my Mornings over again several times, either after a new baby, a series of sickness roaring through our tribe of 9, other interruptions, or simply falling off the wagon. Every single time, I wonder why I thought it would be hard to start again! I'm at the victorious wrap-up of another "restart", and loving it all over again. I have a list of things that comprise my HelloMornings:

Amen, Come Lord Jesus... for when you're discouraged by his bride

This has long been a favorite song of mine,
there is so much that resonates with me, that is expressed so much more clearly than my muddled thoughts can manage.
Andrew Peterson has a powerful grasp of language and expression that is so beautiful and so clear, not to mention a style of music that is just comfortable.

What Will They Remember? and Am I Responsible?

I've heard it both ways:
"They (children, when grown) will remember the good."
"They will remember the bad."
So which is it?

My Daughter is: Learning to be Fearless

And I'm SO proud of her.
We put her in Public School for the first time this year, as a high school freshman, with many hopes and some trepidation. You can visualize how you want something to happen, and how you really think it will happen, but there are absolutely no guarantees, especially when you're dealing with other people and their responses. So there was the "other person" of my daughter herself, and the 3000 some "other people" there at the school.
This is a post on her blog about her experiences and what she's learning.
And I'm just HAPPY. And PROUD.
Becoming Fearless in my World      

Motherhood's Near-Horrifying Responsibility

Goethe wasn't a mother, but he nailed the essence of it in this quote. I haven't researched what it's from, or what his larger point was, and frankly, I'm not going to make time to do so, because of what the quote itself has taught me! If anyone knows and wants to share that knowledge with me, add it in the comments!

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous.

I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized.

If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”

Where is my "To-Do" List on my Priority List?

I am a bit list addicted...
I learned a while back that the best way for me to stop that droning litany in my head of what I have to do that so often drowns out the quiet little jewel-moments that creep up like little gifts, without demanding my notice or competing with the "so much to do, so much to do" is to make a list. Then I can banish the repetition and trying-to-remember from my mind and I am free to focus on those treasures that disappear so quickly as my children grow from one beauty to the next.
But then I fall into hyper-organizing my list, trying too hard to streamline, and complicating what is simple... I try to put it in order of priority, of time required, of oldest to newest... and in reverse. Sometimes I spit on my hands and make a list of things that "I *will* get all this done today". And again I miss the moments of joy; in misapplied efforts to serve, I fail to enjoy those I want to bless. And what they really want, what they really *need*, is to be enjoyed.
I am learning to walk the line between two things I see as important.

Slowing Down, Choosing to See and Embrace the Moments

This morning I wake and get to choose again:
will I wake to the rush and the long long list of things I should get done, and will I listen to the ticking of the clock that whispers "hurry, hurry, so much to do, you're getting behind..."
 or will I wake to the chance to:
listen to my children's hearts when they start their words with "Mama,"
hear the words of life as they dance before my eyes on the page that I am so privileged to own, and let them mold me
speak words of "I cherish you" instead of "this toilet needs scrubbing more than you need listening to"
ponder this gift called Life and all the rich depth it contains, which becomes emptier yet heavier when we aren't looking into what it *really* is underneath all the dust that is layered on it by the daily bustle of carrying it around?

Can I worship God for the worm's wings, yet unseen?

I've been blessed by Nick Vujicic over and over and over. Now here's another one. A different sort of blessing than I was expecting, but one that I most definitely needed. Part 1 is here:


and part 2 is here:
c
Am I ready to rejoice in the miracle of the worm-become-cocoon in others' lives, or do I hold my praise back for the butterfly only, and deny the majesty and awesomeness of the process of change?
The greater the struggle, the more glorious the triumph.

What does "Hosanna" mean? Do you cry Hosanna??

Another favorite. So TOTALLY "my song". I'll be singing this today, just in case you were wondering :0)