Choosing Focus and ::Monday Musings::

I woke up this morning and looked at the "Weekend To Do" list I'd compiled for myself friday evening.
Very little is checked off.
I realized that I can look at that list and see a weekend of failure, and start my week feeling 'behind',
OR
I can look at all the things I did do.
I helped my husband wrestle some monster logs onto our trailer to bring home firewood. (I'm talking 200-300 pounds each! Yes, my muscles are sore.)
I performed and emergency plumbing repair.
I took my daughter with me for some one on one time when an urgent errand popped up.
I did some work on my first "Virtual Assistant" gig.
I sorted through and put into storage clothes for 7 children.
I went salvaging in an old barn with my daughter, and we had a blast wrestling out some treasures from under the heaps.
I cuddled 2 toddlers to sleep for the first time in a long time.
I took an impromptu nap (haven't had one of those since baby was born 6 months ago!)
and, of course, the usual maintaining that goes with a family of 10 (with 2 in diapers).
Laundry, sweeping, meals, sweeping, potty trips, sweeping, goodnight kisses, reading stories, answering questions...
I had a good conversation with one of my children, who was very disgruntled at the time, about how whatever we choose to see, to focus on, we will see more of; how that can snowball and form our personality and our outlook on life.
It is easy for me to see which to focus on, which will make me happier, and which will make me more productive. That last part is counter-intuitive, for me at least. I always think that I should look at how much I didn't do to motivate me to move faster, but really all it does is make me feel like a failure and like I'm too behind to ever catch up. When I look at what I did, it seems to carry me on it's inertia into accomplishing even more than I would plan.
Of course, I do wrestle back and forth with wondering whether it's right or wrong or OK to choose happiness.
John Piper's "Christian Hedonism" comes to mind, even though I no longer identify as a Christian. Also, the simple fact that I am more kind, gentle, patient and loving when I am happy.
Then my background comes through and I hear echos of the teachings that seeking happiness itself is shallow and carnal, and that the righteous are at peace in persecution and suffering, and that if I were really "good" I would be all those things in spite of unhappiness, and that I would be reflecting the glory of God that way. 
Sigh.
That's another post.

For now, I will do what allows me to be kind, gentle, patient and loving to my children, and wrestle privately with the ethics of what makes me that way.

::Monday Musings:
Hands Free Mama
Brave Moms Raise Brave Kids
Learning about becoming a Virtual Assistant
Learning about Chalk Paint & DIY
Inspired to Action- one of my favorite encouragements places
Power of Moms- another of my favorites for encouragement