Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Whatever I want to write!

Something that I do that I don’t like and am going to stop is feeling guilty over having a blog yet not posting to it. I have all these ideas kicking around in my head (more than once a day even!) that I want to post about, but I allow perfectionistic tendencies to hold me back.

“I haven’t fully developed my opinion on what I ‘m thinking about.” (who has?? If someone has, they’re in a bad place anyway!)
“I can’t articulate what I want to say just right.” (I won’t be able to until I practice!)
“That’s not important enough to post about.” (So what? This is MY blog- MY journal! I can post whatever I want!)
“I might offend someone.” and cousin to that thought: “I might be misunderstood.” (I’ve come to realize that, written or spoken, I WILL be misunderstood. The only question is, will I allow that to stop me from writing, speaking, thinking?)
Writing is cathartic for me.
It is essential to me.
I don’t need to be
recognized,
acknowledged,
“read”,
commented on,
or anything. I just need to write.
And digital means are the way I want to do it.
I like the archival without space.
I like that I can click “make this private” and not worry about my notebook falling open to an unfortuitous page.
I like the searchability.
That is why I blog.
Not because I’ve got my ideas all worked out.  
Not because I can express myself admirably.
Not because I think I have wisdom to share
or people to instruct
or a desire to offend.
And so I will stop feeling frustrated about not posting when I want to,
not by refusing the feeling,
but by posting
whatever random,
ephemeral,
unsure,
questioning,
memorable,
frivolous,
instructive,
nostalgic,
depressing,
invigorating,
challenging,
heart-warming,
controversial,
or inspiring
things happen to flit through my head and need to be written. 

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